When your Christian Life is Small

Jonathan Edwards had low times in living his resolutions. Here is one of my times and what I do about it.

A few months ago I was fervently praying for God to use me to share the gospel and be some kind of witness for Him.  So I was praying for low-hanging fruit. I was praying, “God open doors to have meaningful eternal conversations with ease and with open unbelievers that I could share some truth with them.”

I likened this prayer and exercise to one of my heroes of the faith George Mueller who set out to show the world that God still answers prayer by feeding orphans through never asking anyone but God alone for all His needs to keep the orphans fed and the doors open. I wanted to show that God still saves people and doesn’t care about the statistics that conclude that it’s harder to convert those over 18.  God sovereignly saves whoever he wants, whenever He wants to. Age doesn’t matter. I serve a Big God

That was me a few months ago.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. I was out with co-workers enjoying a beautiful night listening to an 80’s 90’s and 2000 cover band. We sang and danced and just enjoyed ourselves.  There were a lot of people there just talking and milling around. I found myself in the middle of a conversation with a couple from Milwaukee who were getting away for the weekend and coming to La Crosse. I didn’t know them from Adam. And within that conversation, there was not only one opportunity for me to share that I’m a Christian. But there was a second opportunity for me to elaborate on my Christian values and try to turn that conversation into a spiritual one.  Because the woman grew up in a “very religious home”, and had her birthday on Christmas just like my twin daughters. But her account of singing Happy Birthday to Jesus and Happy Birthday to her wasn’t recounted enthusiastically.

I knew right then, I could pick that fruit and press this conversation to something meaningful. I don’t mean, I thought about it afterward when I walked away and thought  “oh if only I would’ve said this or that.” No. I knew at that – very- moment.  I’ve been trained in ministry and evangelism too well to not at least try to minister to her.

But I didn’t. Sure I briefly mentioned that my family was Christian and using her words” we were religious”  and explained how we celebrated the twins’ birthday.  But I could’ve said so much more. I could’ve tried to get deeper. But I didn’t. I was lazy. I was selfish in what I wanted to do and not do that night. A spiritual conversation was not what I wanted to try to get into that night.

For someone resolved to live the next half of my life to love better both God and man; to live my life bigger than just myself.  Well, that night I struck out in that moment. I never got back into a deep conversation with them for the rest of the night. I feared man over God. I put my wants over the kingdom. I wasted my words that night. My Christianity was very small.

American Revivalist preacher Jonathan Edwards is famously known to have crafted 70 big, and zealous resolutions from an early age. Yet one record in his diary revealed:

“The last week I was sunk so low, that I fear it will be a long time before I am recovered. I fell exceedingly low in the weekly account [regarding keeping my resolutions]. I find my heart so deceitful, that I am almost discouraged from making any more resolutions. — Wherein have I been negligent in the week past; and how could I have done better, to help the dreadful low estate in which I am sunk?”

So Edwards experienced times of neglecting his resolutions and discouragement. He experienced a time when his Christianity was small.

Reflecting on all the components that caused me not to boldly step out in faith to a deeper possibility for that “chance meeting” revealed a heart issue.

Heart issues can only be tended to by one Person- the Lord himself. So either I acknowledge this information sterilely and go about my business ignoring the convicting work of the Holy Spirit. Or I can invite the work of the Holy Spirit through submissive prayer.

If your still with me to this point, its best to relay the positive aspects of taking the submissive approach. Here’s my encouragement from God’s word.

Pray for God to enlarge your heart by embracing the prayer in Ephesians 3:14-19

Here is my :10 Second Context for the verses

Paul, after interrupting himself in verse 1 to explain God’s plan of saving Gentiles and his role in that, now completes his thought of why and what he prays.

What Paul is asking in prayer is not only an example of how we should pray for one another, but also how we should pray for our selves.

“14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

The culminating request of this complex prayer is that Paul asking the Father that the believers be filled with all the fullness of God.

Paul prays “strengthened with Power through the Spirit in our Inner Being.” Our inner  being doesn’t lift weights.  It doesn’t get strong on anything not gifted to us by God’s grace.  In this instance our inner being is strengthened when we pray it down into the inner man. This is experiential Christianity. This is the gracious power of God.

Paul is not only praying for the nearness of God to endure but also for a deeper experiential empowering Christ to transformed their lives, affections convictions and passions. This is what we should be praying for our selves and other too. Especially when we go through failures, sins and fear. Especially when our Christianity is Small

To put it another way:  Paul is praying “Lord enlarge their Love for you by having them experience your Love for them”

If you don’t sense such a direction is happening in your heart like that yet- take heart. God is for you and wants to meet with you.  He wants to do an enlarging work in your inner being. Keep inviting Him daily to this. He who began a good work will see through to finish the work.